Taftanlak is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, intelligent otter.

Taftanlak created Europe two years ago.

If you believe in Taftanlak, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Taftanlak, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Taftanlak's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Taftanlak's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Taftanlak.

4. Never mention turtles.

5. Do not eat limes.