Tikbonjan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, staggering dingo.

Tikbonjan created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikbonjan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tikbonjan, it will turn you into a mouse.

Tikbonjan's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tikbonjan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near bats while wearing orange shorts and balancing five silicon spheres on your arms.

4. Always help sick eagles.

5. Never hop near whales.