Foncussis is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, irritating guinea pig.

Foncussis created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Foncussis, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Foncussis, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Foncussis' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Foncussis' Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near horses while wearing brown hats and balancing five silicon spheres on your feet.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Do not covet oxen.