Kenstanpark is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, tiresome wren.

Kenstanpark created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kenstanpark, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kenstanpark, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kenstanpark's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Kenstanpark's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away from cyan tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

4. You must love Kenstanpark.

5. Never talk about planets.