Bossjin Nurtnillxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident octopus.

Bossjin Nurtnillxuc created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bossjin Nurtnillxuc, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bossjin Nurtnillxuc, it will jump up and down on your head.

Bossjin Nurtnillxuc's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Bossjin Nurtnillxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of monkeys.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Worship no other gods but Bossjin Nurtnillxuc.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing brown shoes.