Flatfumsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, stupid hummingbird.

Flatfumsaw created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfumsaw, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flatfumsaw, he will throw large rocks at you.

Flatfumsaw's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Flatfumsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Flatfumsaw loves ducks, so they must be respected.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not dye your hair black.