Tafpaktad is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, quiet clam.

Tafpaktad created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tafpaktad, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tafpaktad, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tafpaktad's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Tafpaktad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never jump in the presence of tortoises.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not eat tomatoes.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.