Hitjadben is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, passionate lobster.

Hitjadben created the Tadpole Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitjadben, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hitjadben, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hitjadben's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Hitjadben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Hitjadben on top of all buildings.

3. Do not kill great tits.

4. Always treat snakes with great respect.

5. Hide if nine seals approach from the east.