Nartvagcud is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, selfish alligator.

Nartvagcud created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartvagcud, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nartvagcud, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nartvagcud's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Nartvagcud's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about gravity near shrews while wearing magenta ear rings and balancing seven carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Feed all hungry bats.

4. Always help sick dogs.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.