Bemtadven is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, witless dolphin.

Bemtadven created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemtadven, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemtadven, she will turn you into a plant.

Bemtadven's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bemtadven's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bemtadven.

3. Always look after injured dogs.

4. Never sit near grasshopers.

5. Do not commit murder.