Titcibmig is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, proud dolphin.

Titcibmig created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Titcibmig, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Titcibmig, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Titcibmig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Titcibmig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Titcibmig in the centre of the settlement.