Haknatcussveen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, fussy cobra.

Haknatcussveen created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haknatcussveen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Haknatcussveen, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Haknatcussveen's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Haknatcussveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Haknatcussveen on top of all buildings.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.