Flapjiptit is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, humane newt.

Flapjiptit created the solar system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapjiptit, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flapjiptit, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flapjiptit's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Flapjiptit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Flapjiptit on top of all buildings.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

3. Feed all hungry shrews.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.