Godcapteen is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, intelligent troll.

Godcapteen created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Godcapteen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Godcapteen, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Godcapteen's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Godcapteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never hurt snakes.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near birds while wearing magenta dresses.