Lapsidkap is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, cheerful chicken.

Lapsidkap created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapsidkap, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lapsidkap, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lapsidkap's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Lapsidkap's Holy Commandments

1. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never paint your face indigo.

3. Run away if nine grasshopers approach from the south.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Lapsidkap on top of all buildings.

5. Never wear white rings.