Rulciparp is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, caring squid.

Rulciparp created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rulciparp, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Rulciparp, he will ignore you.

Rulciparp's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Rulciparp's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never wear red hats.

5. Put Rulciparp first in all things.