Pakkonflig is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish octopus.

Pakkonflig created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakkonflig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Pakkonflig, he will curse you with boils.

Pakkonflig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Pakkonflig's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always obey Pakkonflig's priests.

3. Pakkonflig must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not speak about melons.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.