Loptendob is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, prudent lizard.

Loptendob created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Loptendob, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Loptendob, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Loptendob's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Loptendob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

3. Do not hurt pigs.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Never paint your face orange.