Taltanbaf Barn is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unthinking gerbil.

Taltanbaf Barn created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Taltanbaf Barn, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Taltanbaf Barn, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Taltanbaf Barn's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Taltanbaf Barn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never think ill of sick frogs.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Never chant near dogs.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.