Dancimparkwon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sage cow.

Dancimparkwon created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dancimparkwon, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dancimparkwon, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dancimparkwon's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dancimparkwon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Hide from mauve rats for they are unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.