Gabhonmittenwat is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, tiresome snake.

Gabhonmittenwat created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabhonmittenwat, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabhonmittenwat, it will send you a sign.

Gabhonmittenwat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Gabhonmittenwat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three sheep approach from the west.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gabhonmittenwat.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Pray towards the south.