Bogtiffum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, idiotic swallow.

Bogtiffum created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bogtiffum, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bogtiffum, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bogtiffum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bogtiffum's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bogtiffum first in all things.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Run away if seven manatees approach from the south.