Hakjarncamfub is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, amazing ant.

Hakjarncamfub created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakjarncamfub, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hakjarncamfub, it will turn you into a tree.

Hakjarncamfub's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Hakjarncamfub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never go into indigo rooms.

3. Hakjarncamfub loves bats, so they must be honoured.

4. Retreat if nine otters approach from the east.

5. Do not speak about peas.