Lan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, grumpy manatee.

Lan created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lan, she will be very unhappy.

Lan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help otters in need.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always stare at clouds.