Lunjamnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a large, humorless crab.

Lunjamnurl created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lunjamnurl, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lunjamnurl, he will remove you from existence.

Lunjamnurl's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lunjamnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Lunjamnurl.