Fetarnvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, impressive weasel.

Fetarnvonk created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetarnvonk, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Fetarnvonk, he will not invite you to parties.

Fetarnvonk's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Fetarnvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near horses while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing five zinc spheres on your feet.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never write about cell theory.