Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, passionate squid.

Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont, it will turn you into a puffin.

Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Vegsafzimweetarg Bonkzedont's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine dolphins approach from the north.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.