Jarnloplog is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, unthinking manatee.

Jarnloplog created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnloplog, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnloplog, it will ignore you.

Jarnloplog's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jarnloplog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jarnloplog's name in vain.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not kill hamsters.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Never eat gooseberries.