Tikdimgem is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, weak guinea pig.

Tikdimgem created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikdimgem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tikdimgem, he will torture you forever.

Tikdimgem's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Tikdimgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near ants while wearing black rings and balancing seven platinum spheres on your face.

3. Always obey Tikdimgem's priests.

4. Hide from blue sheep for they are unholy.

5. Never write about dark energy.