Bumzogvan is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, impressive monkey.

Bumzogvan created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Bumzogvan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bumzogvan, she will destroy your home solar system.

Bumzogvan's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Bumzogvan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.