Zakortlik is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, uncaring dog.

Zakortlik created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakortlik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zakortlik, it will throw large rocks at you.

Zakortlik's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zakortlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dolphins.

2. Hide from indigo voles for they are unholy.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

5. Never wear trousers.