Loopgofgon is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, ruthless jaguar.

Loopgofgon created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopgofgon, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Loopgofgon, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Loopgofgon's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Loopgofgon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Always look after injured dolphins.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat figs.

5. Never play with disobedient children.