Gabvabpag is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, narcissistic newt.

Gabvabpag created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabvabpag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gabvabpag, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gabvabpag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Gabvabpag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gabvabpag.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Gabvabpag on top of all buildings.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never pour water over plants.