Futabflow is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, prudent badger.

Futabflow created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futabflow, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Futabflow, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Futabflow's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Futabflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Never paint your back orange.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not dye your hair fawn.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Futabflow.