Stafnantonkzim is a god.

It takes the form of a small, almighty porpoise.

Stafnantonkzim created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafnantonkzim, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stafnantonkzim, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Stafnantonkzim's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Stafnantonkzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales in need.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.