Haslognul is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, flying meerkat.

Haslognul created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Haslognul, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Haslognul, she will turn you into a duck.

Haslognul's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Haslognul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Do not hurt birds.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.