Baddag is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, omnipotent whale.

Baddag created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Baddag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Baddag, she will turn you into a sheep.

Baddag's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Baddag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never mention badgers.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Always wear orange.