Fetbifsag is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, clever zebra.

Fetbifsag created a down quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetbifsag, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fetbifsag, he will turn you into a puffin.

Fetbifsag's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Fetbifsag's Holy Commandments

1. Fetbifsag loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear fawn tights.