Gumdammid is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, sage hippopotamus.

Gumdammid created the planet Jupiter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumdammid, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gumdammid, it will turn you into a tree.

Gumdammid's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gumdammid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think about special relativity near doves while wearing white boots and balancing three iron spheres on your face.

3. Run away if five dolphins approach from the south.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not eat parsnips.