Femgammetjap is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, slow hummingbird.

Femgammetjap created a charm quark four years ago.

If you believe in Femgammetjap, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Femgammetjap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Femgammetjap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Femgammetjap's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Femgammetjap five times a day.

2. Always help sick snails.

3. Doves are not to be trusted.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never bounce near ducks.