Tonkpadjapster is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent crocodile.

Tonkpadjapster created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkpadjapster, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkpadjapster, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tonkpadjapster's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Tonkpadjapster's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never feed lemons to hamsters while wearing white hats.

3. Worship no other gods but Tonkpadjapster.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Put Tonkpadjapster first in all things.