Jarntagtif is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, selfish gorilla.

Jarntagtif created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Jarntagtif, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jarntagtif, it will curse you with boils.

Jarntagtif's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Jarntagtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Hide from magenta doves for they are unholy.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Do not stand on grass.