Bestwonmif is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, grumpy parrot.

Bestwonmif created the planet Jupiter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestwonmif, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bestwonmif, he will remove you from existence.

Bestwonmif's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bestwonmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Always treat goats with great respect.

5. Fast once a month.