Tafpingep is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, passionate goblin.

Tafpingep created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafpingep, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tafpingep, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tafpingep's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tafpingep's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear orange jumpers.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.