Gadmidkim is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciful hare.

Gadmidkim created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadmidkim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gadmidkim, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gadmidkim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gadmidkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think ill of sick pigs.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. You must pray to Gadmidkim eight times a day.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.