Hogcaport is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, confident octopus.

Hogcaport created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogcaport, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hogcaport, he will curse you with boils.

Hogcaport's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hogcaport's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never mention capybaras.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never think about spacetime near mites while wearing brown boots and balancing four silicon spheres on your arms.