Fetortzim Xemsogdad is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, bad-tempered fish.

Fetortzim Xemsogdad created gold nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetortzim Xemsogdad, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fetortzim Xemsogdad, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Fetortzim Xemsogdad's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Fetortzim Xemsogdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near dolphins while wearing magenta tights and balancing five silicon spheres on your arms.

3. Do not kill horses.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Retreat if six bats approach from the west.