Tarpominlap Kadpiblist is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unselfish frog.

Tarpominlap Kadpiblist created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpominlap Kadpiblist, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpominlap Kadpiblist, he will laugh at you.

Tarpominlap Kadpiblist's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tarpominlap Kadpiblist's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Never wear mauve rings.