Quafcimhad is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, tiresome parrot.

Quafcimhad created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quafcimhad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quafcimhad, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quafcimhad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Quafcimhad's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Quafcimhad's priests.

2. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink alcohol.