Kikzantarlagyak is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, almighty penguin.

Kikzantarlagyak created an atom five million years ago.

If you believe in Kikzantarlagyak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kikzantarlagyak, he will be mildly annoyed.

Kikzantarlagyak's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Kikzantarlagyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kikzantarlagyak.

4. You must pray to Kikzantarlagyak seven times a day.

5. Always help sick voles.